I can be the Petty Queen when I want to be.
It’s not necessarily something that I am proud of per say, but thanks to it being relatively popular and (dare I say it) cool in today’s culture, I tend to give myself a pass from time to time. In some moments it can be taken as simply fun and games – a good laugh between friends, some juicy “tea” to spill, or a good come back to someone’s witty, smart comment.
But sometimes, it can cut deep and hurt due to my own pride and not knowing when to let something go.
That decision to say what’s on your mind in the moment can be the nail in the coffin that completely damages a friendship or relationship. Immaturity at it finest and if both parties have the mindset to “go low” you can bet that it won’t end well.
During the first few years of a relationship, as you are learning one another, you find yourself in these little (or even big) arguments, trying to understand your partner. Communication is probably one of the greatest challenges when trying to build a relationship with someone. Why? Because everyone doesn’t communicate the same way, which at times can make it extremely hard to understand or see eye to eye. Thanks to our individual personalities that are impacted by personal experiences or upbringings, we all have our own way of understanding life. And sometimes that adds a layer of complexity when attempting to communicate with someone that well…is not you.
“That’s not what I said.”
“You aren’t listening to me!”
Can you relate? I’ve lost count how many times I’ve said that in a relationship, and you can bet that it included an eye/neck roll with it. Those moments always made me feel as if I had it easier without someone special in my life. Not because I didn’t have to deal with confrontation, but more likely because it didn’t force me to address my own communication issues. When I wasn’t dating anyone, I wasn’t faced with daily challenges that required I learn how to compromise, communicate (in a healthy way), practice patience, and let’s not forget FORGIVE. The main reason being because it was just me! Lol Shoot! Quiet as kept, the single was quite peaceful.
But in reality, as long as I desired companionship, communication was something that I was going to have to grow and learn how to get through. But honeyyyy, it was hard!
My biggest issue is that I saw my arguments as being “tit for tat.” Someone had to get the last word. If someone was right, the other had to be wrong. It was me against the other person and being who I am – I insisted on having the final say. That strategy seemed to add more fire to the flame, and we seemed to work against each other instead of together. We stopped respecting one another’s opinions and devalued that things that was said to one another. We stopped listening and instead of working together to find a resolution, we chose opposing sides causing distance between one another.
“Two can play that game,” I thought to myself. It wasn’t a healthy theory to live off of if I must be honest and caused me to run away a lot of good people.
Truth is, in building healthy relationship or friendships, it requires that individuals work together
– as ONE team. It’s not an US versus THEM, and not a winner versus a loser. It about committing to respect one another, value the things that people have to say, listening, and being open to resolution.
No one that adds value to your life is worth losing over frivolous things. Communicate sis!