My favorite food has always been Spaghetti, or as I liked to call it as a kid “Bah-sketti.” It’s my thing. It was the first meal I ever fell in love with, and not so ironically, was the first meal I learned to cook. However, my recipe has changed and evolved over the years. Some ingredients left, some were added, and others have always remained the same. Regardless, each time, you couldn’t tell me that that wasn’t the best I’d ever had.

My very first iteration of this dish was simple. I’m talking stupid simple – meat, sauce (RAGU me, please), and noodles. And truth be told, it took me YEARS before I was able to make the noodles without over cooking them, only to leave me with sticky noodles.

“Throw the whole pan away!” I’d often say this to myself as I grudgingly dumped a full pot of noodles into the trash can.

But back to the ingredients, I didn’t venture out too frequently to try new things. All I needed were the essentials. The seasoning was often hit or miss, but all in all, it LOOKED good, to say the least. Unfortunately, that first bite always reminded me that I needed MORE…of everything. lol

But to a young girl who was still trying to find my way around a kitchen, that was a WIN. In fact, each time was the best time, until experiencing something better.

It reminded me of the differences in dating from my adolescence to adulthood. A lot of the ingredients that we expected in a relationship as a teenager, or even early twenties, looks DRASCTICALLY different than our 30’s and older. And many times, what was in front of us in that moment always felt like it was the BEST. You couldn’t tell me ole boy that looked like Omarion from B2K in my 8th grade class wasn’t the crème de la creme! I would’ve argued you down.

But really, the things that were acceptable as the “meat” in high school like a cute face, nice body, and cool car are literally toppings now! And I’m talking seasoning salt or parmesan cheese, not even the meat, sauce, veggies, or noodles. Lol

“Yes sir! You might have all of those things, but what are your goals? How are you with your finances? Are you mentally stable? Who do you pray to, sir?! Sis needs to know these things! I am SIS. SIS is me!” Because truth be told, a handful of toppings without any foundation for it to be added to, or substance, isn’t anything worth indulging in at all.

Interestingly enough, you might even compare dating people that lack any substance to a house with absolutely nothing on the inside. Yes, it might look good, but by itself, cannot offer me a thing!

But we don’t know, what we don’t know, right?! And that’s OK! Over time, with time and life lessons, we will realize what needs to be added or removed. If your taste in people, food, fashion, etc. is still the same as it was when you were younger, then I’d probably look at you like you were crazy. People evolve, change, and in the process of growth realize that they desire and need MORE. I’m not talking about in quantity either, but more of the QUALITY piece.

It’s okay to desire the BEST for yourself and if you know that that’s not what you are getting, then you have my permission to go ahead and add or delete some things/people from your life. What’s the point of holding on to subpar, mediocre, and lifeless stuff when you have the opportunity to experience the BEST!

Some might ask? “Well how do I know if it isn’t the best for me?” My rule of thumb is that if it no longer fills you up, provides you peace or substance, then it’s time to let it go. Some things can be fine-tuned with a little time and effort, but if whatever or whoever it is doesn’t seem to offer that as an option, then release it. Go ahead and revise that recipe, Sis.