My head nestled perfectly under his chin. “Well this is a first,” I thought to myself. For years, I’d attracted guys whose stature stayed within the 5’8 range. I can recall dating a guy who was just shy of 5’2, and he was FINE! That height had no relevance to the undeniable appeal he had, from what I could see at first glance…as well as the things I had yet to see. When you are on “Team Small,” it’s ironically more likely that the shorter guys flock your way, with confidence that they have a better chance with you than someone taller.
But there I stood, with my arms wrapped around the waist of a man that I was just getting to know. His cologne wasn’t overpowering, neither did it smell expensive. However, it was pleasant and welcoming. Little did I know at the time how closely those characteristics aligned with him as a person.
When I looked up at him, I couldn’t help but smile. His dimples were so deep you could get lost in them, and they were the perfect accessory to his gap that he’d sometimes try to hide. His tall stature and build that showed the remnants of his years as an athlete, made me feel so tiny next to him. He looked at me, offering a sense of protection that made me feel like a young girl, yet adored me with his eyes as a woman worth pursuing.
“Are we going to link up again or will it be another five months before this happens?”
I laughed and replied, “We shall see.”
He had every right to ask the question with sarcasm and all. It took almost 5 months after meeting him in person for the first time for us to meet up. What’s even funnier is that unlike the other times before, this one wasn’t even planned. But there was one thing that we both couldn’t turn down.
He seemed to have called at the perfect time, after leaving a Big K.R.I.T. concert, when I was starved. I danced so much at the show that my stomach felt like it was doing back flips. As much as I had allowed myself to be preoccupied many times before, when the opportunity for a date presented itself, this time I just couldn’t pass it up.
And I know what you are thinking. Was I REALLY preoccupied? To answer that question, yes and no. I was mostly too preoccupied to date anyone seriously.
After several disappointing, “turn for the worse” instances in dating, I had decided not to get attached to anyone. I had it down to a science as well. As long as I maintained infrequency and inconsistency with one person, then the better chance I had to not get attached or too close to someone to allow them into my heart.
Simply put, the man had to pass the security clearance to get anywhere with me! I needed to know it was genuine and real, unlike times before when I was led on by false representations of who people really were.
Was he tired and border-line about to give up? Probably so. But one truth my big brother once told me was that any man that truly desires a woman, will pursue her with intent until he has her for himself. That was a rude awakening for me to hear after meeting so many flaky, inconsistent, and cavalier men.
“So I wasted all my time on yet another man that never had any intent on being with me in the first place?! Oh no sir, I can play that game as well! I’ll make sure the next guy that comes around has to EARN his way into my heart,” I thought to myself several months prior to meeting him. I meant every bit of it.
Ironically, three months later, I somehow stumbled upon him on Facebook. I had no choice but to see him after noticing several of my pictures on social media liked by him. “He has such a friendly, sweet face.” We began to casually communicate and eventually exchanged numbers.
I continued to date others casually, but enjoyed our random conversations. He always seemed so attentive and genuinely interested in getting to know me, often times alluding to a potential date in the future. I brushed it off. “I don’t have time for this sweet man. He would probably break my heart anyway like the others,” I thought.
I digressed didn’t I?**fast forward to the present date.
“We shall see?!” He laughed, “Girl I’ve already chased you down for five months just for this one date!”
As I looked up at him with a big grin, 3-hours after sitting in a restaurant devouring a plate of food and sharing my entire life story, I realized it was something special about him. It was something different that, for the first time, I was able to see in him. This man was getting to know me with intent this whole time! Even down to the small, brief conversations we have had over the last 6 months. He has made it clear what/whom he desires…and it’s me. As he grabbed my hand, I leaned in and hugged him tight. His presence felt authentic, and real. It gave me a sense of peacefulness and relieved my anxiety. I felt safe and at home.
I released my embrace and replied, “Ya know, I think you might have just passed my security clearance. You now have access to my heart.”