“Don’t kick up dust that has settled,” they said. “It will cause problems and reactions. Reactions we may not be prepared for.”

Surely as the dust settled, it hardened and what was once a thin layer of dirt, has accumulated into a thick, callous, impenetrable covering, such that the foundation has become undetectable. What once was can no longer be recalled, seen, felt or heard. I am lost.Seems like just yesterday, I admired this foundation. It was shiny, and polished. It was strong and new. I nurtured it, took time to build it and in turn it offered me a solid transparency that I loved and appreciated. Why was I so afraid to clean up the mess? Why am I neglecting this treasure?

My pride enslaved me and made me feel like everything was GOOD. There wasn’t anything I should worry about. The dusting was minimal and almost unnoticeable, so no need to whip out the broom just yet right? I’ve seen and witnessed more times than I can sit here and count the relationships I once had but lost, because I ALLOWED for the foundation to be buried under my own pile of unforgiveness, neglect, hurt and spite. And in return I lost a love I once had, a memory I once shared… a sister I once embraced. My spirit is vexed from my heart screaming at me, “Make it right, make it right!”

Long pauses, stiff air and a final disagreement preceded an “I’ll call you later,” that in time turned into an “I’ll call you never.” Who’s really the one to blame? The phone works both ways in my mind and I am not budging. But as the years have passed, I have watched loved ones transition to heavenly places and spaces. Now I am conflicted, because I know that I need her and she needs me. We are blood and we are family. But what do I gain by closing my eyes to what I refuse to see.

“Pride and poverty don’t get along, but often live together.”- Proverb

When allowing pride to take control and drive our own actions, we short change the possibility of our outcomes from our own selfishness and big headedness. Often times, we only look at the circumstance through the lens that focuses solely on how WE feel. Subsequently, neglecting those that are unfortunately caught in the crossfire in uncompromising, inconvenient and uncomfortable spaces. The innocent ones that mean no harm are usually the very individuals that hurt from OUR hurt the most. A prideful heart glorifies having it all, but because of it qualities ultimately ends up with nothing.

As a young girl, when cousin rivalry was at its peak, my older cousin and I clashed to say the least. We argued about everything that you could think of under the sun. But at the end of the day, we sat down and my mother made us talk through our differences until we came to a resolution. “Bury the hatchet” as she would say. Why is it SO hard as an adult to let go and make amends?

I understand that it is not as easy as it may seem, neither is it comfortable. Trust me, no one wants to clean up a mess especially when they feel strongly that they never created it to begin with. Nonetheless, when we cherish someone or something as if it were a TREASURE to us, we take care of it unconditionally. We tend to it and make sure it doesn’t become dull, or began to depreciate over time. And this is done not because someone told us to, or it’s an obligation either. It’s done out of LOVE and when operating in love, you find that there is NO room pride. In fact, it doesn’t even exist in the presence of love.

But if you find that the love deep down that you once had is now gone, it may be time to check your heart. Tend to those bruises and scars that you have not allowed to completely heal. Make sure that that scar doesn’t cut so deep, and go untreated for so long that it has totally altered the original core of who you are and your ability to love.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

What are some relationships that you have abandoned or neglected? Has your pride caused you to overlook the very things that at one point in your life was most treasured?

**Grabs the nearest broom and begins to sing

“I got-ta clean up, what I messed up. I’m starting my life over again!!!”- The Canton Spirituals