“You have condoms?” I asked while rolling my eyes with embarrassment, ashamed that I hadn’t prepared accordingly. Then again, I didn’t necessarily plan for the night to turn out this way, but ya know when the mood is right and drinks are flowing anything is liable to happen. I knew better and at that point my means of protection (from everything I might add!) was reliant on HIS preparedness. As I gazed at the beautiful Adonis that laid next to me I wondered if he was worth taking that chance for. His resume and manicured, clean cut aesthetic presented him as perfect to the naked eye. But common sense tells me that everything we see, isn’t at all what could actually be. If you have a little time to spare, let me rewind, and give you some background tea on what kind of man makes a woman like me, for strength, go into deep, DEEP prayer…
I dabble in my share of networking events. It pretty much comes with the territory of the work that I do within my career. It can be very rewarding, offering tremendous opportunities to meet new people within various fields while opening potential doors within career advancement. So don’t knock it until you’ve tried it! It’s probably one of the most effective ways to come in contact with like-minded, successful, professional individuals for a young adult that has possibly grown out of the clubs and party scene. Plus, it eliminates the awkwardness of trying to identify someone’s career path, considering its one of the first few things that people blatantly ask at these social networking events.
“What do you do?”
“I think I know someone that works for your company also.”
Or the infamous St. Louis question, “What school did you attend?”
I know you are thinking, “that’s a pretty random question,” but let’s just say the Midwest is still a very conservative region that fancies the idea of placing people in certain socio-economic classes even in as simple as a networking setting. But that’s another story in itself! So every now and then when you meet someone that does offer a refreshing change in dialogue, it begs you to possibly get to know that person a little bit better.
As I swallowed my punch, I turned around and looked up to see a dark, limited edition chocolate man standing directly in front of me. I don’t think he meant to be awkward, neither did he give off pervert vibes, but the limited space within the room created a very minimal open area to walk freely. And to my fortune, his only path to the table was to pass right behind me just in time for our paths to meet.
“I am so sorry, did I spill something on you?!” I stated as I subconsciously began to wipe his jacket with my single napkin only to notice his amazing athletic build. He smiled and replied, “If I say yes does that give you permission to continue wiping my jacket?” I smiled and thought to myself, “cute come back young buck, but pipe your breaks.” I smirked and replied, “In such a PROFESSIONAL setting as this one, no it doesn’t but I will surely pass you as many napkins needed to ensure your cleanliness.
He smiled and we continued our humorous, sarcastic banter. I continued to play coy and hard to get, while he proceeded to charm the pants off of me…And.It.Worked. Literally!
Snapping back to reality, as I laid in his bed his reply to my question responded in a pitiful “no.” My heart sunk (Look I told you all I would keep it real right?!) and my freshly manicure hands covered my face as I pondered my next move.
What do I do? He seems like a great guy, well put together, with a 401k Plan set up. Trust me. I subtly inquired about his company’s benefits. I was asking for a “friend.” But other than that I know nothing about him. I don’t know his character, anything about his family, goals, spirituality, how he treats women. I know nothing! Zero.
The best advice someone gave me in moments like these were to ask myself, do I know this man well enough to have a child by him? Would he be a good father? Is this man in the mindset to get married? Heck, do I want to marry him? Please believe, if I get pregnant a proposal is in the near future because the absence of the additional zeroes on my salary won’t allow me to afford a child on my own. I know it seems extreme, but you always have to keep in mind that there is a 50/50 chance you could get pregnant…or worse, get “other” things that will offer other reasons for you to stop by and visit your local doctor.
If I can’t answer confidently “yes” to either of those questions, then I already have my answer. But in the moment, stating my decision to him, I was more disappointed, not in the circumstances alone, but that I failed to protect myself. By operating in a state that was ill-prepared and equipped with the things needed to practice safe sex, I had given this man the power to dictate whether or not I was protected based upon HIS preparedness. I showed obvious signs of negligence relying solely on his choices and if I didn’t stop to think things through I may have potentially placed myself in a very uncompromising position that could’ve resulted in something that I wasn’t prepared for. Kids. Sexually Transmitted Diseases. Just keeping it real…
I grabbed my belongings, and with relief, walked out the door only to turn around and see his face. DANG THAT MAN IS FINE! SHEESH.
But no worries, if the opportunity presents itself again I will be smart having my own contingency plan set in place.
If you chose to have sex, wrap it up my sistas. Don’t rely on the man for your safety. Be prepared for yourself!