It was in this moment at 8:00pm running up behind my sorority sister while dragging my space efficient carry on PLUS her two bags, that I realized this was about to be a VERY interesting trip. Maybe it was the fact that happy hour before boarding sounded like a good idea until realizing we were treading on the possibility of missing our flight 3 shots in. “One shot won’t hurt,” they said. “We have plenty of time.” Plenty of time turned into no time and we found ourselves trying to charm the pants off of the cart driving chocolate drop that unfortunately whizzed by all three of us.
“Come onnnnn, you see us in these heels!” We weren’t the least bit surprised however that we ended up in this very situation. In fact, we all laughed knowing that we would’ve been more shocked actually on time than late. Every group has that one friend(s) that is always around the corner, almost ready, or my favorite, needs five more minutes to spare. When in actuality they are at least twenty minutes away, still in the shower, and clearly is nowhere near dressed to be ready in just a measly 5 minutes. No need to point any fingers, that woman is all three of us! Nonetheless, those are my girls and regardless of the rocky start, I am still optimistic and ready to enjoy the ride.
Luckily, the good Lord showed us favor, of course after our fate relied on taking our heels off and running bare-foot fiercely through the crowd. Imagine, three black women, with a full face of makeup, and “fresh out of the salon” bouncy hair charging towards the gate with our bright colored luggage sets. You would’ve thought they announced the latest Fenty products over the intercom from our stampede. I’m almost certain we scared everyone in eye’s view while possibly knocking over a few pedestrians along the way. **Don’t judge me
After stuffing our belongings in their designated over-head we all settled peacefully in our seats with the buzz from the Crown finally wearing off. Leaning back in my seat, I thought about everything I needed to pack and envisioned my thorough list in my mind. This was a special weekend and I prepared very well for it. I looked great and felt an excited, yet nervous feeling in my stomach from the uncertainty and unexpected surprises that this weekend could possibly bring. I felt like a kid all over again. I’d get so anxious about our family vacations that I’d always seem to find myself sick with the bubble guts.
You would’ve thought that it was MY wedding, when in fact this special day was for my sorority sister. She would be the first from our group to get married, and to her college sweetheart at that. The fact that they had maintained a healthy relationship even after college is worth applauding. Many from our group unfortunately ended our college flings shortly after graduation. I’m convinced that during those four years we must’ve been under some type of spell, because I often look back at some of my dating choices wondering what the heck I was thinking!
Adulthood has a way of magnifying a person’s true character through real life problems, struggles, or maybe even unfortunate circumstances. Someone who was cute in college, may not seem as appealing when you figure in their poor financial stability, non-committal/inconsistent behaviors, and lack of trustworthiness. As we get older, we begin to value the people and things that show themselves to be more long term, consistent, and stable.
And after the first few years of my early twenties, I woke up one day and decided in my heart that I would not and could not accept anyone in my life that didn’t provide me with that. **laughs to self. It was a good idea to say the least, but unfortunately we are not the Pilot when it comes to love. Heck, we aren’t even the Co-Pilot and find ourselves nauseated by the wave of emotions that love brings. In fact, fearing the idea of “getting off” and the uncertainty of the HOW caused a lingering delay in the follow through of this grandeur idea of mine. Instead, I choose to relish in the beautiful, peaceful moments floating above the clouds entranced by the warmness of the sunshine in the relationship. It had been an addiction that ALWAYS seemed to provide me with just enough of a high that I’d forget or overlook the “small” things that are really BIG things watered down. Big things like fights, arguments verbally or even physically, gas lighting, habitual lying, or controlling spirits that all are prevalent in unhealthy relationships.
As I snapped back to reality and began nibbling on the last bit of my peanuts, I knew where the queasiness came from. Looking out at the beautiful rays of sun, I saw his face…vividly and instantly remembered everything that was good. “No, no, no, not this time.” Anticipating that he might resurface for this occasion, I was determined to stay strong no longer allowing my emotions to get the best of me. I immediately reminded myself of what I escaped from and how long it took for me to finally let go and take control of my life again.
“Welcome to Atlanta, Ga. It is now safe to unfasten your seatbelts and deplane.”
As I gathered my belongings and began to exit, I mentally checked out of this fantasy I subconsciously held on to for so long realizing the new opportunities that I now choose to welcome into my life.
“You out here flyin’ high (high!)
Go head, fly that thing!
But fly alone.”- Frank Ocean