I hate being sick. I know what you are thinking – NO I am NOT pregnant. For some apparent reason after the age of 25, people connect any illness you may have (cough, weak knees, headaches) to pregnancy. However, I was 100% certain (that day I was) that this belly was created by Wing Stop, Rally’s $2 Box, and Insomnia Cookies. So sorry, no babies over here! Nonetheless, I was seriously thinking of taking a day off work, maybe even a week, or heck while I was at it just do a full 365 days! I was certain the type of virus I had wasn’t covered by FMLA, neither would I be able to procure a measly doctor’s note for one day off let alone a year.

This virus kept me up at night. It had me looking 47 under the eyes (no shade lol), and let’s not even talk about the headaches. It was a thorn in my side that I just couldn’t seem to get rid of. I can remember the first time I experienced the symptoms. I was actually journaling, which I do quite often writing down on paper my goals and dreams. Of course, by this time I was on my 378th revision (a tad bit of exaggeration lol) to this grand plan for my life. Certainly, somewhere in heaven God was laughing loudly at me and my notion that I could perhaps control my own fate.

While journaling, I began to focus on the things I was passionate about and what type of impact I wanted to have on the world. What type of legacy do I want to leave? Yes, even as a young 23 year old I knew that the reason I was placed on this earth was beyond it just being about me, my accolades and accomplishments. That’s when I literally had an AHA moment. Of course, I said it and everything! lol You can go ahead and charge that to my overly dramatic personality. When I looked at my sketchy notebook, I realized maybe, just maybe, I need to start my own business. I’m smart, educated, and what I don’t know I can learn from google, right?! Lol (Don’t judge me. I’m a millennial!)

As I closed my raggedy used journal, I felt a sense of accomplishment. Yes, I am going to be a BOSS! (In my Rick Ross voice). I turned off my light and crawled in the bed. Five minutes into laying my head on the pillow, an immediate flood of questions began to form in my mind. Talk about brain overload to the 100th degree! Where will I get the money? Where should I began? Who will be my target audience? Can I truly make a living off of this? Isn’t everyone already doing something similar? I felt an immediate tightness in my chest as I laid there silently. My head began to sweat as the throbbing intensified. “Oh sweet baby Jesus am I having a panic attack?! I’m too young to die! This couldn’t be safe. I’m going to rethink this another day.”

Another day turned into another week, which turned into another year, and now I look up at the age of 28 wondering where the time had gone. For the most part, I figured that as long as I did not think about it I would have a better chance of maintaining my sanity. That worked momentarily, but every now and then I’d encounter conversations, listen in on discussions, or read an inspirational story so powerful that it would convict a feeling in me that I just couldn’t ignore. I could feel my heart jump, a lump form in my throat, or even sometimes without catching myself, a tear would fall down my face. I could hear a small voice deep down encouraging me. “You have to do this. It’s not always about you, but how you can help other people.” I was so afraid of FAILING. The more I tried to run away it was as if a higher power began to push me in that direction whether I wanted to go or not.

I was sick with an entrepreneurial bug that lit a fire in me so strong and intense that the only way I could get rid of it was to feed it. So I sat down, cleared my head, emptied all my thoughts and put my big girl shoes on (For real this time!). It was then that I realized that I can no longer run away from destiny and my purpose in life. As I looked at my paper and what I had written, I immediately felt an immense amount of weight lift from me when recalling the lines to my favorite poem by Edgar A. Guest…
“When it’s vain to try to dodge it,
Do the best that you can do;
You may fail, but you may conquer,
See it through!”